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Cutting The Cheese

By On · 4 Comments · In Uncategorized

… Out of my diet, that is.

For a month.

I have an inkling that cheese is actually one of the most addictive substances on Earth. If not, it’s certainly the most widespread addiction. Not without reason, either. It’s a source of calcium and protein, it fills you up and it tastes really really good. Also, it’s amazing. And varied.

On the downside, cheese is really fatty and is (according to some sources) possibly to blame for my slimy throat. So starting this thursday, I’m not having a bite of cheese for a whole month. It’s going to be tough, and I’m a bit freaked out by the idea of cheeseless pizza, but it’ll also be interesting. I might get the Uncheese Cookbook and try some stuff, too. Who knows?

I’ll make a video to announce it on Youtube as well. Watch out for that.

Aberdeen Angus

By On · 3 Comments · In Uncategorized

Look at that red inside. Barely cooked. (Click to enlarge)

Look at that red inside. Barely cooked. (Click to enlarge)

I love it when a plan comes together.

Mid-september, I decided I’d try to cook a steak by pre-cooking in the oven first and then quickly turning in the pan. I’d done it once before and it was a tentative success, though flawed. At the meat counter at Sainsbury’s we picked out two small but thick fillets of Aberdeen Angus, just because Angus is fucking amazing meat. We probably wouldn’t have bought it if we’d looked at the price, though… over 30 British Pounds per kilogram! Crikey! When it beeped through at the cash register, my nerves shot upwards at an alarming pace. What if I fuck this up?!

When I got home, I tightly wrapped the fillets individually in aluminium foil and put them in the oven, which was set to the lowest setting (50 Celsius here). I let them sit there on their grill for about an hour while I made mashed potato and set greens to steam.

Perfect angus, greens and mash. (Click to enlarge)

Perfect angus, greens and mash. (Click to enlarge)

When I took the fillets out and carefully unwrapped them, they were slightly browning at the very edges, but mostly still red and lying in a small pool of their own juice. I put butter in two pans (high, but not full heat) and then fillets in one pan, asparagus and mushrooms in one. I turned the fillets and the veg in the pans, more or less 60-90 seconds for each side of the fillets, and then I was done.

As I assembled all the pieces, I started properly salivating. Everything looked just right. I was not disappointed. The greens had steamed to perfection with nothing overcooked and nothing raw. The mushrooms were golden brown on the outside and cooked all the way through, but hadn’t gone squishy yet. The potato mash was really creamy and with just the right seasoning. And finally, the Angus was red all the way through, but didn’t have a single millimetre of raw meat, and it was so tender I could pull it apart quite easily with my fingers. To me, it was like the steak in The Matrix when Cypher goes “ignorance is bliss”.

A combination of good cooking and fortuitous timing on every end made this the most perfect meal I’ve probably ever cooked in my entire life, and it’s likely I’ll never be able to reproduce it. That won’t stop me from trying, though!

Moral of this story: If you want full control over your steak on a regular cooker: Pre-cook it in the oven on a low-low setting (It shouldn’t be more than 50-70 degrees in there, otherwise, you’ll overcook it) and then quickly fry it on high in a pan. Also, before you try this on really expensive meat, practice on cheaper stuff, and also practice your timing with steaming and all that.

I must say that this: I got this tip from one of the waiters at First Coast, the best goddamned eatery in Edinburgh. They make amazing food with equal focus on both meat-dishes and vegetarian ones (something you don’t see very often, and something I appreciate as I mostly don’t eat meat) and they’re extremely reasonable compared to other gourmet restaurants and compared to what you get. If you’re ever in Edinburgh, look them up. They know their stuff. (Also, they don’t do “weekend staff”, so you’ll always get people who know what they’re doing, unlike their neighbouring restaurant, The Sizzling Scot.)

Batman: Arkham Asylum – The Batarang Is A Lie!

By On · 4 Comments · In Uncategorized

I got the Batman: Arkham Asylum Collector’s Edition in the mail today. I was super-excited about it because for just 20 quid extra, I would get a bonus disc, bonus challenge maps, a booklet and a fucking full-size Batarang! I’ve been looking forward to this for a while now, even making space for it in the flat so it could sit proudly on display.

And then I opened the box and saw this…

The collector's edition Batarang: A cheap plastic toy.

The collector's edition Batarang: A cheap plastic toy.

It’s a solid block of cheap, black plastic molded onto a cheap, plastic stand. Oh, but they have machined scratches! oooooh! What the hell? According to the promotional material it’s meant to “match the design” of the batarang in the game. Obviously, this is true if you look straight on at just the silhouette of this dingy plastic toy, but they didn’t bother to make it look even vaguely metallic. I hadn’t expected a fully functioning, metal batarang, but at least something more exciting-looking than this moulded plastic trash. Had it been at least painted in a metallic colour, used a thinner mould that looked vaguely sleek and maybe even had the bloody seams polished off, it would have helped.

It does come with an extra booklet and some behind the scenes stuff, so the rest of the extras are nice, though I don’t quite understand why the discs had to be in a non-standard paper box that has no space for the instruction booklet. What’s wrong with a nice, metal box like most other “special edition” PS3 games give you? Why do I have to store my manual separately from my game?! What? You couldn’t afford to give it a proper cover because you spent all the money on the massively expensive plastic toys?!

I feel cheated and pissed on, but at least the game is good.

Fame and Fortune

By On · 10 Comments · In Uncategorized

It’s no secret that one of my goals in life is to gain some form of attention online. At some point when I was a young’un, I saw a film where someone was described as more or less a legend in the interwebs. This struck a chord with me. I wanted to be an internet legend.

However, internet legends are few and far between, unless you go on Youtube’s top subscribed lists and top viewed lists. On those pages, they’re packed together like little boxes of web-famous joy.

What I’m starting to realise, though, is that it’s just not something I’m cut out for. I don’t know anything about programming, and my video fare is just good enough for my friends to enjoy, but not fun enough for them to share with their friends (and for their friends to- You get the idea).

I mean, I get it. I have friends whose stuff I’ll compliment, but would never associate myself with professionally, which in many ways is what you do when you share a video link online. You’re saying “This is something that I like. I’m sharing it with your because I think you’ll like it too.” with the addendum “if you don’t like it, and if I keep linking shit like this to you, you’ll ignore me forever.” There’s nothing WRONG with it, it just took me a while to realise that being good is separate from your friends SAYING it’s good.

So yeah. I have a thousand subscribers on Youtube, which means that a thousand people will be told whenever I upload my videos (Not including suspended or closed accounts). Sounds pretty cool right? Right. Until you take into account that most of my videos flatten out at less than half that.

So, which are the ones I get the most views on? Yup, you guessed it. The more skin, the more views (not counting Animal Attack and Irish Accent, which are videos that survive on search terms) I get. I used to think that was a female thing, but it isn’t. I can still raise my views by 2-3 times simply by taking a shirt off for the thumbnail.

Where am I going with this?
Oh yes!

My life will never amount to celebrity status of any kind, and I probably should be happy about that. I’m not witty or incisive enough for people to go “that’s good, I should share that”, and I’m not stupid or crazy enough for people to go “That’s terrible, I should share that!” either. I’m just some sad sack making videos and shit online.

Of course, I can’t forget you, my loyal few. You folks who DO watch my videos and read my posts really deserve my thanks, and my concern. You might have brain damange. ^_^

I’m tired. I want my bed.

EDIT, NEXT MORNING:
Huh, amazing. I wrote this when I was kind of drunk, got up, went to bed and promptly fell asleep… Considering the alcohol and just how tired I was, I did not expect to find this post as close to being coherent as it is, and I certainly expected more typographical errors. Oh well.

Yesterday was a tough day for me, mentally, but I got through it laughing by the end, thanks to Marit. If it hadn’t been for her, I would probably have sat around sulking and shouting abuse at people online for the rest of the evening.

Moon Movie Review: Magnulus Movie Minute

By On · 3 Comments · In Uncategorized

This film is the exact, polar opposite of Transformers: Super-low budget, ultra-high quality, top-tier acting, intelligent story and not a single explosion.

There are so many things to say about this film, but since I’ve decided to torture myself with a one-minute (kind of) format, and since I didn’t write down any NOTES about what I wanted to include, I couldn’t really fit much into it. Also, there’s only so much I can discuss it without going into specifics about the plot. I have yet to meet anyone who didn’t like Moon, and in Edinburgh, it has grown immensely popular despite being a small film with a non-existent marketing budget compared to films like Transformers.

Directed by Duncan Jones
Written by Jones & Nathan Parker
Starring: Sam Rockwell

The Director’s Site
Moon on IMDB

Ratings Explained:
Orgasmic Joy = Amazing
Two eyebrows = Great
One eyebrow = Good
Blank Stare = Nothing special
Frown = Bad
AUGH, My Eyes! = Crime against humanity

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