I’ve decided that once I finish university, I will focus on acting for a while. Even in my first year, when my friend Kerry told me he never understood why I didn’t go into performance of some sort instead of production, the seed of doubt was sown in my choice of direction. It made me realise that the only things that have ever actually made me happy during my life have been performance related. The years since that day have been kind of spent waiting for this education malarky to finish so I could go do what I wanted to do all along.
That’s not to say my education has been a failure or a waste. In life, there is no such thing as a waste. If you look at it the right way, everything we do has value in some sense. Admittedly, it’s hard to find the real value in having seen every episode of Poirot ever made or in playing Fallout 3 for hours on end, but it’s there. You just need to find out what you learned from it and how you can use that going forward.
I didn’t intend to make this post a cheesy motivational speech about “Achieving your inner potential”, so I’ll move on.
During the last few weeks, in the midst of all this craziness, I’ve auditioned for Fringe shows, had headshots taken (as you can see) and applied for a student equity membership. Equity is basically the trade union for actors on film and stage and all sorts of people in stage production. Without it, it’s hard to get work. I’ve also started tentatively looking for an agent.
I don’t harbour any illusions that I will “make it big” or anything like that. Fame would be nice and all, but mainly because it assures economic security for a while. Mainly, I just want to do something with my life that makes me happy. I take great pleasure in a job well done, be it editing, photography or sound design, but the process doesn’t always appeal to me. In fact, sometimes it plunges me into bouts of depression that rival everything else I’ve ever encountered. Lately, I’ve learned to get out of it without needing massive amounts of outside help, but it’s not pleasurable in any way. Acting is very straight-forward. You do your thing, and if it doesn’t quite work, you modify what you’re doing. And you know immediately if it’s not right, because you’ll either feel it or people will tell you.
Maybe it’s a pipe dream. Maybe I can never make a living off acting. I’ll find out, won’t I? I have an audition for The Edinburgh Dungeons in a little over a week, which means a paid, possibly permanent position acting. It’s minimum wage, but the operative word here is wage. And experience. I really hope I get it.